Everyone Has A Story

We all have a story. A story that explains why we are who we are today. Our past experiences factor in to our present responses. Past experiences are not an excuse for our reactions today, but they are often a factor in or an explanation for our deepest struggles.

Someone who grew up in a home filled with anger often struggles with anger themselves. Someone who came from a home of abuse can naturally be withdrawn and untrusting. Someone who dresses a little differently than you may be trying to hide their pain and hurt beneath dark clothing.

Someone who wears the brightest smile and drips of positivity may inwardly struggle with depression and anxiety.

The examples could continue on, but take a minute to think about your own story.

Stories not only empower and inspire others to tell their own, but stories also invite people in to heal. Telling your story welcomes others who have walked a similar path as you to walk the path of victory together. Stories create community.

Some of you may be thinking...

Sure...my story includes some pain and hurt from the past, but it is

small and insignificant compared to what someone else has probably

gone through.

My story isn't worth sharing.

My story is too painful and too intense. People would judge me and

look at me differently if they knew.

I am not good with words so telling my story would just come out

wrong and ultimately be ineffective.

Down through time, God has used stories big and small to welcome healing, encourage community and convict the soul.

I once thought that my story was too insignificant to tell. I was terrified that telling my story would just disappoint those closest to me, but that was farthest truth.

My Story

I grew up in a Christian home, a ministry home actually. Yep, that’s right. I am a pastor’s kid through and through. As a pastor’s kid, I was naturally looked up to, and it was expected of me to be a good example. Recognizing the impact I could have, I embraced my role by trying to lead, serve and jump in wherever I could. Getting to be involved in church activities and impact those around me was truly a joy. I thrived on people, the next activity, and the approval of others.

Since I was little, my vice has been people pleasing. Being around so many people on a daily basis, I was always looking to please my parents, my teachers, and most importantly my older brother, Scott. I mean, everyone wants approval, right?

Unbeknownst to me, my desire to please people, gain others approval, be a big shot - whatever you want to call it - grew so immensely that it worked its way into every nook and cranny of my thought life. If I did not meet my own expectations of approval or influence, my mind would instantly turn to questions of my worth and purpose.

“If I can’t do this right, then why am I even here?”

“If I didn’t make mom or dad happy, then they would probably be better off without me.”

"There I go again, I always just make things worse."

I could go on with the toxic thoughts that slowly began to flood my mind, and some of you can probably add your own toxic thoughts in there as well. This downward spiral of my mental state only grew.

The guilt of disappointing people, the feeling of not measuring up or bringing any good to anyone’s life left me feeling alone and without hope. The belief that all I did was disappoint leaked in to my friend groups, my school work, my performance as a basketball player, my ability to play the piano. You get the idea...Intense sadness and the crippling feeling of disappointment took over every area of my life. My battle with depression was only beginning.

My depression grew from thoughts of negativity, to questioning my purpose and worth, to thinking up ways to end my suffering and the suffering of those around me. I temporarily quieted my thoughts by isolating myself with social media and TV. A depressed soul creates isolation and silence, but their greatest desires are intimate friendships and the feeling of productivity/purpose. A depressed soul may create isolation and silence, but it is also one of their greatest enemies.

After times of isolating myself through TV or what not, I ended up feeling even more worthless because I knew I had wasted my time. Suicidal thoughts crept in to my brain every day…hopelessness had set in.

When battling depression, my greatest need/desire was to be heard and understood, yet my greatest fear was disappointing those I loved. I was terrified of how my family would respond if I told them what was going on inside my head. My parents were not blind; they knew I was struggling but not to what capacity. I kept telling myself that if they knew, it would only make things worse. The fear of disappointment kept me quiet for far too long, and the longer I kept quiet the more I believed that all hope for purpose and true joy was lost.

I was at the end of my rope toward the end of high school, and I truly did not think I could continue on until God opened my eyes. Someone encouraged me to read through the book of Philippians every day for two weeks. I vividly remember telling God, "I'll give you two weeks to change my life and give me purpose, but if nothing happens I'm done."

It was in that book that God revealed to my pride. My desire was perfection and attention, but Christ - King of the world, Creator of the entire universe, the one and only God - made Himself of no reputation…for me.

He became a servant to His Father and to mankind. He became a servant to the same mankind that He knew would hang Him on the cross. My mile high walls of pride crumbled as I sat at the feet of Jesus in awe of His humility. I came to the precious realization that I am nothing and am never required to be anything more than obedient.

I found victory that day, and eventually God lit a fire in my soul to share my story. Now I had the feeling that my story was too small and insignificant, but God sent an opportunity to show me that no story is too small for God to use.

The Opportunity

It was 2015 when God first used my story of my struggle with depression. I was a lifeguard at the Wilds Christian Camp and had been assigned a cabin and counselor to pray for that week. As a prayer partner, we receive a slip at the beginning of the week that gives the names and prayer requests for each girl. I was speechless when I saw that all 8 girls struggled with some form of depression or suicidal thoughts. Immediately, the Lord impressed on me to share my story.

After nervously fumbling through my story, the floodgates opened as the girls finally felt the liberty to share their own stories and desperate longing for help and hope. The counselor and I were able to offer hope to each young girl.

I was amazed! God had just used my tongue-tied, unrehearsed story of shame and regret to influence eight lives for eternity. From that day on, I knew God could use brokenness and transparency as a place of refuge and trust for hurting people.

No story is too small or too painful for God to use. I am not saying that all stories should just be told as is. Discretion and discernment must be used depending on your audience and situation, but God can and will use your brokenness with your openness.

Satan may have lost his grip on me back in 2015, but he has never lost the desire to bring me down. I still struggle, and some days are much harder than others. Depression still lingers and rears its nasty head every now and then, but I have found hope and purpose in my story.

Be #intentional with the story God has given you. Don't suppress it, and stop trying to hide it. As Cheryl Richardson, self care expert and coach, said...

"People begin to heal the moment they are heard."

Read more of my story here.